Category Archives: Spirituality

Asking For Life to Be Forgiving

Every night, I set an intention that life be forgiving to all who are learning and trying to move in this world.

My younger son, who hears me pray this intention, asks why I don’t pray for myself. My son has love for Jesus and reads a Bible-quote book he got somewhere on his own, although we are not a Christian household. My son reminds me of when I started talking about meditation and enlightenment (prior to the Internet), and my family was not an Eastern-philosophy or Eastern-religion household. Something in my son drew him to his beliefs. I support my son in his discovery process.

We had a conversation about how we are all “pieces” of this Divine, regardless of religion. I do not call myself by any religion, but this quote from the Bible seemed pertinent:

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (1 Corinthians 12:12-14)

We honor our true nature by seeing the Divine in ourselves and by attempting to understand our human experience. My son and I get past words by exchanging direct experience of what we feel (not just emotionally, but in terms if awareness). In our conversations we just share with each other. We calibrate our experiences and thoughts directly. And we learn about where each of us is.

Teachings, such as those of Jesus or Buddha, help us to realize the love and compassion of which we are capable. Life is challenging, no doubt, and negativity, sarcasm, vein-slitting wit, and blatant attacks have come to be seen as normal in our society (and for centuries). We are often looking at the “trees,” but there is a “forest” after all.

Back to the question – why do I pray, or intend, or invoke forgiveness of life processes toward humanity? Everyone makes mistakes, often unconsciously at first. Our culture is typically unforgiving toward mistakes. Most mistakes (and I am not talking about crimes that violate or harm others) are about people not knowing how to navigate life situations and relationships.

For mistakes, our culture wills harm and ill-will toward those who are unskilled at life-surfing. Then, the “perpetrators” are hurt emotionally when they are ostracized, marginalized, put down, and laughed at – all of which leads an individual to feel “down” (and, perhaps, “out”).

Forgiveness requires understanding at ever-deepening levels of someone else. Empathy, which has nothing to do with sympathy, must be cultivated for us to be able to naturally relate to the lives of others. Contrary to most scientific views of empathy as a combination of astute observation skills and mental processing to project another’s experiences, there are more efficient ways to be empathic. For example, it is possible to attune oneself to signals another is transmitting (and not just on the physical, emotional, and mental planes), and project those signals onto oneself – to experience another’s experience directly.

Those who are born at a young age with the tendency toward this level of empathy become quickly overwhelmed and may even lose sanity as the result of exposure to the energy of others. Adults who do not know about this phenomenon will not know how to support these children.

I was one of such children. My younger son is another. My older – not so much. All three of us are very close. As a child, I had to work hard to deal with constant “noise.” Movies and shows, which portray the phenomenon of being inundated with “people,” often illustrate this accurately. No, it is not necessarily schizophrenia, although one should be evaluated by a doctor if “hearing” and “seeing” without sound and “light” is happening.

Empath children must be supported in learning how to navigate the turbulent waters of the Astral plane, which is what they are learning to surf. For some, gateways should be temporarily closed, at least, so that they don’t lose connection with the physical plane.

Empaths who are flexible in reflecting others onto themselves, and without invading the fields of others or “digging” within others uninvited, are balanced. They know, first-hand, the pain of making mistakes, the pain of those disappointed or hurt, and the pain experienced by the ones who took the missteps – during the lash-back. From this perspective, it becomes truly impossible to want life to be anything but forgiving for all who are trying to make things right. When someone realizes what they have done to upset another, there can only be forgiveness. But, if a person who feels wronged has limited capacity to understand another, they bite back like threatened animals, or to hammer the nail into the proverbial coffin.

It is true that a person may have to experience repeated setbacks to start reflecting upon oneself. Otherwise, if there are no consequences, people just do whatever.

Our society is a natural symphony of checks and balances, and this is good. People should speak up to advocate for their birthright to be treated as valuable individuals with potential to be developed. People must stand up for what feels right or wrong to them and get feedback from others. However, we – as the human race – are not very skilled at doing this productively and with a woven-in element of forgiveness. Most people do not even know their own value.

Forgiveness is an ancient teaching, and volumes could be written today on what a personal experience of forgiveness could be like, in the face of also holding true to oneself. The common adage that “we all have truth within ourselves” is only partly true – when the gateway to this truth is closed, our “inner” truth is useless or distorted. We must open up first, open to who we are and our possibilities, our individuality, and our lives together with others. I pray for this opening to occur when the time is right, and give energy to the energy “bank” that will be used for catalyzing this opening, so to speak.

My prayers are the intentioned and conscious giving of energy to the evolution and growth of the humane race. It is not a willed forcing of events. I know that universal processes (as seen from this level) must have a critical mass of elements in place to occur (just like enlightenment), including the energy needed to enact these processes. For me, prayer is about paying it forward and giving back.

I’ve interacted with people long enough to see that I can help individual lives press through obstacles, and I also know when to let them be. Universal processes? Well, I may not live in this form long enough to see them occur…. That makes no difference to me.

Being Asexual

I am in my late 40s and, by most standards, not old. However, I have come to realize that I am no longer interested in sex.

Recently single, I feel no pressures from a partner to be sexual. As a result, there is no reason for me to try to be something I am not. I am comfortable being alone and also spending time with friends. I feel no longing of a sexual nature. Now, I can simply relax in this truth.

As I surrendered my being to the Life that lives me, I entered into an uninterrupted embrace. Paradoxically, it is me and also an exchange.

I wrote previously how my lower energy centers had merged into the heart center, which I was surprised to discover one morning. After this occurred, I began to be immersed in an altogether different kind of energy flow – making love without a partner as being.

I see nothing wrong with sex. But how many people see nothing wrong with no sex? As with anything, it was important for me to understand why. Was it something I held back, denied, or denigraded on some level? I explored and explored, but found nothing. Except that it was my truth.

It is a relief to just be good with this and not have to wonder anymore if I need to balance or heal anything.

The asexuality was not always true for me. I went through decades of being overly sexual. So, it was surprising to me when my sexuality began to dissipate – and suspicious. Was it because of my childhood? Was it because of who I was with? As it turned out, neither. I have simply changed. Being without a partner, I have had no interest in looking for someone and my state has remained consistent.

In yoga, there is the process of Brahmacharya. I’ve come to see that my body’s circuitry stepped into this flow on its own and without trying. It is what it is. It feels like I have always been a virgin, but not in the sense of some false deification.

Sometimes things are just simple.

Mind vs. Enlightenment

I have a beautiful mind. It’s no longer an egotistical statement and just a fact, but this wasn’t always the case. The story may be more interesting when I talk about the relationship of mind to enlightenment.

I spoke early as a child. Standing in my crib, I babbled intensely – as if I were giving a passionate talk on my niche topic. As I grew up, I earned the nickname of “professor” in the hood. It was not a flattering name, but more of a putdown for knowing facts and reasoning logically – and not fitting in.

Because I grew up in an abusive environment, I frequently looked for ways to escape. My escape was learning new things and solving problems. To this day, I do puzzles or math and physics problems for fun, but the way I approach these puzzles is different than before.

My IQ was tested in my 20s and I scored very high. My mind was fluid and it felt fabulous to use it. But, my mind was useless for breaking through into enlightenment.

As with any go-to asset, I wrapped my ego around having my intelligence, and the result was a person who relied on intelligence to gain advantage and confirmation of being real. When I met my teacher, I had to face the true reality that I was unable to “think” into enlightenment. This frustrated me to no end.

My teacher was redirecting me to let go of using my ability to manipulate abstract concepts because enlightenment wasn’t a concept. Enlightenment wasn’t an experience, an induction, or a deduction. Whenever I thought that I had “figured it out,” I was inevitably wrong – and discouraged.

Mind is a poorly defined concept anyway. Is this a combination of our awareness and reasoning abilities? Even the latter is vague. When I view the various vehicles (or “bodies“) we use on multiple planes of existence, the mind can be viewed as one such vehicle, and the soul another – there are more. These vehicles are equipped with their own senses and processes and language, much like the physical body, and operate in parallel with the physical body.

However, no body is Spirit. In fact, all bodies are inseparable from Spirit and are its expressions. It amazes me when people talk about Spirit as something contained by and separate from any body when, in reality, Spirit is literally everything. Also, what people perceive as Spirit varies greatly from one person to the next. Currently, there is no way to calibrate what each of us is referring to. Nevertheless, we can say that there is something. This something is expressing through all forms but is itself formless and uncontained.

During the transformation process, I frequently confused perceptions by the various vehicles as enlightenment. For years, I had to go through the ups of feeling like I understood something to the downs of realizing that I was still incredibly confused. The struggle of wanting to quit at each down is real. The intense desire to have everything squared away and figured out is the reason why so many claim enlightenment without having actually broken through. Enlightenment must be tested. The tests are real. These test results are incontrovertible. Only someone who is enlightened can test enlightenment. Otherwise, an individual is biased by the interpretation of their own perceptions.

Letting go of everything that defines us is a lot trickier than we think. In fact, because the ego is the very process of defining ourselves, it won’t easily let go of the mechanisms that reinforce identity. Intelligent people will create an identity around intelligence, and similarly for any faculty or quality. The ego uses whatever is available and whatever we hold most dear. So, enlightenment is about letting go of whatever we feel we cannot let go, and the trap is set.

When we let go of something, there are typically more things to let go of underneath. Imagine letting go – surrendering – something you never thought you could, only to realize that there is yet more to surrender. The will required to continue is immense.

Again, the ego is a process – not a thing. As long as the process is running in the background, we are not free from it and we don’t know it, necessarily, until it gives itself away – it always does, eventually. The ego is obvious to those who no longer run this process, but is mostly hidden for those immersed in the trap. The ego is tricky – when we are identified with something, we cannot tell apart what is it versus our true nature. When ego is threatened, it will respond in less-than-obvious ways.

I feared that letting go of my mind would mean that I would become stupid, so I fought this tooth and nail. What did happen was that I stopped identifying with the mind and the mind became just a tool I use – or don’t use. It is possible to choose when the mind disengages, but this does not result in a lack of intelligence – counter to my previous concern. Interesting.

Popularized meditation techniques are explicit on allowing and observing thoughts without fighting to stop them. Well, imagine not having thoughts without any effort and still being intelligent. You want to reason logically? You can turn that switch on, and now you can allow thought to crank something out. I am amazed I used to think that the process of mind, which I could turn on or off, was me. The state of No Mind is the first level of enlightenment – a first real freedom. There are others.

No Mind is what Buddhist call Sunyata, or emptiness. I guess this is also nirvana. It is a nice, restful state, but it is not complete. After the honeymoon, the transformation process continues and there are more hidden processes to discover and unwind.

If we are not careful, we can get stuck in nirvana – a kind of detachment. This is not the end of the road. Paradoxically, further freedom requires diving into life even deeper and engaging in relationships with others during practice. Having quieter emotional reactivity certainly helps. Eventually, even the entire emotional body (process) morphs into something else. Each subsequent identity is dismantled, circuit by circuit. However, this is not done by the mind. So, what catalyst is responsible?

The catalysts are living beings who are running freedom processes and modeling them for others. Those who are ready will engage, others won’t. Many undervalue life as it is and believe all are here to “become enlightened.” This is simply not true. There is more to life than that. The enlightenment state is not applicable to all people because something else is needed in their lives at this time.

Enlightenment leads to being in the world but not of it. It is a letting go of a large degree of involvement in this plane of existence, which most are not here to do. Why scoff at that? The ego is helping people engage with this level. And why just mechanically scoff at ego? Only in the last possible stage of enlightenment here on earth is the ego dissolved, but not before – the ego transforms with us but remains until we go all the way.

What Is Healing?

The story of healing is as rich and complex as our existence. I went into writing this post to access the deeper meaning of this common term and its relationship to life.

What struck me when I asked the question is the intensity of the information I began to navigate experientially. It is amazing to me how intricately healing is tied into existence as an emergent force.

Healing includes the idea of “fixing” something to work differently. Typically, healing is seen as a highly personal process where we allow ourselves to be restored in some way. If a condition was accelerating the end of our life, healing slows down that process. If our body ceases to perform a function or was born without it, we try to get it to function. As magical as is the ability to repair our bodies and quiet our minds, this is not all there is to healing.

Healing is related to form and function, or relationship, as far as my “eye” could see. The form or pattern of energy determines how it relates to other patterns of energy. From this perspective, healing is about restoring the form of energy flow that leads to integration. Thus, healing also takes place in a dimension unseen by our physical eyes where such energy exists and operates among and as all forms. This unseen energy is what some call the Astral dimension and can see quite vividly.

Note, I use the term energy as just a label for interactions that occur a step beyond the physical realm and without intending to use it the way scientists define energy. Here, I mean the flow, which intuitives feels when they do body work, for example.

Astral energies are akin to a webwork of vortexes – moving, interlocking, letting go, merging, separating, and reforming into various configurations from individual to planetary to galactic scales. On some scales, the Astral plane appears quite dynamic, and on other scales (as we think of “size”) patterns remain static for millennia. Many occult symbols are formations in the Astral plane, and these do change eventually. This is similar to the way the storm on Jupiter has maintained its shape that is now seen to be diminishing.

When I practiced yoga with a teacher, she would often say to me that it looked like my body was “looking” for equipoise while I held a pose. Those words resonate with what I see now as individual bodies, our planets, and our star working their way toward equipoise. Although, the universe seems to be doing something different at other scales.

Energy reconfiguration is healing – different parts are looking to relate to each other and to the whole. On this Astral plane, I see my body much like a solar flare, and energy shoots through it from individuals, groups, nations, the planet, and so on. I feel the entire relationship shifting, balancing, and integrating. The Astral plane is highly interconnected with our physical relationships and, often, it may be hard to tell what’s going on where. People often react to Astral stimuli without knowing it.

Beyond Astral matter are completely different dimensions and processes that are not focused on “unwinding wound springs,” and instead jump to the creative unknown. This is healing too! On that level, the universe has no idea about “desired outcomes” and nothing is broken. And, yet there is impetus to creatively revisit relationships in ways previously not done. It is from these levels that we feel the ignition to learn to be aware and awaken to reality, and the yearning to be present with existence in a timeless moment. Occasional bridges form between our embodied consciousness and these rarefied realms. After enlightenment, an aspect of the body actually become a living, stable gateway spanning realms.

Although these are just words, they are intended to conjure a feeling of what is potential but not yet revealed. This process of revelation is healing on higher levels.

Taking this broader view, healing is beyond the personal. In my last post, I talked about “healing,” but I did not realize until later that what is occurring for me may not be typical. For example, my being is consciously tied into reality on different levels, and – when I say I am healing – I do not mean that I am realigning my body and mind to a more peaceful state so that I can be calm and at ease. I do mean that I am plugged in to those who may also need to “heal,” and they dance with me into new awareness. My healing, despite the word “my,” is not personal.

Masters have come here to serve as dynamoes for healing collectives and networks of consciousness at various levels of existence. Not all of this activity has resulted in seemingly peaceful, comfortable, and pleasant living for humanity. We forget the possibility that, at some point, a being may not be a person, but is facilitating universal processes – some of which may translate to everyday terms and experiences. Many have come to do this and now are gone – they do not need any godly status.

Even the most common is extraordinary when viewed from a deeper and interconnected perspective of our miltiple dimensions of consciousness.

Healing Continues

Just because I survived in life does not mean I’ve “overcome” the trauma. For some time now, I’ve been waiting for the next stage of healing to begin. I’m very happy that the time has come when I can finally see how the pieces fit.

I grew up feeling unsafe everywhere. The violence and humiliation I endured became an intricate pattern in the fabric of my being – the sountrack of ominous tones playing throughout my life until I could no longer hear it.

It doesn’t matter what happened to me or over how long. What matters is how my being became tangled up as a result. Old hurts – especially ones that get blocked out and then triggered back to memory later in life – can drift in a person’s field for an entire lifetime without being healed.

After a certain point in my transformation, the energies that cannot coexist with the light were dumped into the cells of the physical body all at once. We can only heal through the body, but usually energies gradually flow to be processed by the physical circuitry. In my case, the energies just crashed into the body. This is why it is helpful to become enlightened after most of the major healing work is done.

Finally, after this weekend, I could locate the energy of the past trauma. This is a good sign because it means that it is ready to be released. I could finally feel it running through the body without feeling like it is a part of the body. It was foreign to me and, thus, palpable and visible.

I could see how I’ve lived most of my life as if I were in the midst of battle – studying martial arts, feeling like I was unsafe, and never letting my guard down. I honed a projection of “Don’t fuck with me” that radiated anytime I perceived a threat. I was caught in a loop of never wanting to feel helpless and humiliated again. So I donned a battle armor that literally fused with my skin. I kept up the fight even after the events that started my war were over.

When friends hear about the my life, they tell me that I endured more than anyone they know. They say I am a survivor, I am strong, and I have achieved so much despite many obstacles. But, surviving is not the same as healing. I am grateful that my finely crafted battle armor is now detached from my body. It will burn up now in the fires of life and I gladly let it go.

Trauma was hard to accept for me because, where I came from, people died if they were weak. Accepting trauma seemed like the exact opposite to being a warrior or a soldier. However, I learned that surrender to integrating our experiences is far from weakness – in fact, trapped energy is released in that process to provide strength, just like atoms release energy during fusion.

Life stressors would trigger and amplify my latent trauma, and I would gradually start crumbling under the pressure to continue functioning. This was cyclical throughout my life. Even after transformation, I would often feel drained and experienced chronic physical pain – while simultaneously laughing and supporting others. I was a walking paradox. Enlightenment can only heal so much. The rest must be done by working directly with the physical body.

I am in the midst of the healing process now. Unlike in the past, I am comfortable walking alone. I know that no one can really help me heal – I will help myself by energetically reliving what I tried to forget. I am no longer afraid of feeling that helplessness.

Life has many processes going on at different scales and planes of existence. I imagine these as a multitude of clocks running at different rates in a clock-maker’s shop. But “Time heals all” is not quite true. Death is an altogether different practice that helps us to integrate and heal, but this process occurs out of time. Sleep also heals and so does nature. Sometimes even a change of location can be healing. Among these, the body itself is the most intense crucible that untangles stagnation. We heal the body, and the body also heals us. However, the body must be allowed to heal us, and we often we resist what the body naturally wants to do – restore us to our innocence.

Diamonds of Existence

It is my experience that the world we live in is so much more than what we perceive with our five senses, which is already a lot! Sound and light are the primary ways we receive information about our reality. Touch, smell, and taste are also important. These are just electricity at play. The electrons in our bodies repel electrons in matter and we call that touch. In fact, sound is just pressure changes – again, electrons of air or another material repelling the electrons in our bodies and pressing on us – a kind of touch.

Electrons also take charge of combining molecules – chemistry – this is our taste and smell. Light is fundamentally electromagetism. It appears that electrons are critical to our mechanisms of perception – they drive all the senses tied into our nervous system.

All of these signals are passed to the brain, which generates a sketch of our reality – a magnificent construct in itself. The universe, including us, is an electromagnetic apparatus running a circuit of sorts. And the brain does its interpreting so smoothly we assume that what our brain tells us is the only way to “see” the world. Are the five senses all there is?

There is life beyond the physical. There are “vehicles” with senses other than electromagnetic interactions that is our physical body, and these senses provide additional texture to the signals of “physical” existence. At this time, there is no objective confirmation of the existence of such senses beyond the physical. Furthermore, those who have even partially developed extra senses have only words to convey what they perceive, and our words – reflections of experience by consensus – are limited.

Still, most of those who claim extrasensory perception are unable to clearly interpret what they see and there is confusion about what really lies “beyond” everyday experience versus what is simply imagination or echo-chambers of “I see this too!” This is not a criticism of anyone because all is just progression toward deeper understanding. However, many refuse to question or verify what they perceive, and this leads to a misrepresentations instead of deeper insights.

If there is something beyond the five senses, why is it so hard for people to agree on what that is? If we vary on how we interpret physical reality, why would there be significant agreement on what is currently our unseen reality? Isn’t everything eventually just an individualized construction of a worldview, based on signals passed through an individualized nervous system? And if there is no “absolute” reality beyond our experiences, why bother talking about an absolute reality?

Scientists (myself included) would say that we do have an objective way of representing reality – an absolute reality. The data we get using repeatable experiments can be modeled by mathematics, which is understood the same way by all who speak “math.” Thus, reality is as objective as mathematics is objective. Popular science books are just translations of math into words, which relate to people’s everyday experiences. But, are mathematics and our current experiments enough to capture the complete absolute reality?

The real question is “Can we use our consciousness as an instrument to detect something more or different than what our physical instruments and bodies detect?” Consciousness is still in the jargon stage and not something that we can objectively prove. Yes, we can say that we are conscious, but what if our perceptions can all be explained by physical interactions?

People have told me that they often feel like I “read” their minds. One can certainly say I give this perception because I can read microexpressions and body language. But then, how do I “pick up” detailed information when speaking to someone on the phone? Am I that adept at reading tone of voice? How do I “know” things about people I don’t speak with or see, and what I pick up is later confirmed? I don’t know. And I am always trying to understand. To me, existence is fascinating and I do not take my interpretation of it for granted.

The story of the Tower of Babel means to me something different than people speaking different languages and not understanding one another. In that story, I see beings who perceive different realities and do not agree on what it is. This goes beyond expressing something and not being understood; this is about perception being fundamentally diverse and irreconcilable – at least, on this level.

It is my experience, for all it’s worth, that we have a complex nervous system – a mechanism of perception that extends beyond the physical realm of current science. During my transformation, I was able to become aware of multiple vehicles (bodies) operating in concert on different planes of existence. Each plane of existence has its own laws and types of signals. Is that real, or just my imagination? I won’t make any claims.

Furthermore, I experienced my chakra system – especially when all my lower chakras merged into the heart. This transition was noticeable, as it resulted in a very different configuration of my entire being. Did I imagine this? I do sense others with a similar reconfiguration.

Is my ability to transfer my awareness to different planes of existence also imagined? I went through a stage where it was difficult to operate on multiple planes of existence consciously and, at times, I had trouble locating myself – was that challenge self-created? Is the fact that I no longer struggle with this challenge indicative of a mental condition?

I cannot prove that any of what I have gone through and am still going through is “real” in any objective or absolute sense. If my life – my reality – is real, what difference would that make to our collective life?

All we can do is touch lives and see people, but I don’t do this with just my skin or my eyes. The hidden reality is my reality, but I don’t imagine this to be something that should stop being questioned and verified.

My hunch is that the meaning of what we consider real will expand with our awareness and transform how we all interact. I imagine a gestault of unique individuals being united in a way that makes each unique facet shine brighter.

Initiation Into the Mysteries vs. Enlightenment

Someone asked me to talk about the process called initiation, often mentioned in various texts about accessing deeper knowledge of our reality, and how initiation compares to enlightenment.

I can’t cite all the books I’ve read about “the mysteries” and being “initiated” during my younger years. I read many and during a time when I didn’t understand most of what I was reading. I vaguely remember reading a page or two of a book and feeling absolutely exhausted afterwards, requiring lots of sleep to recover.

Reflecting back, I may have a better understanding of what happened. However, I don’t usually talk or even write about this – so this post is an experiment.

There is a very old saying (paraphrased) that we can only access information at the level of our consciousness. If the configuration of our system does not match the energy of the transmission, there will be rejection, only a partial reception, or even distortion. However, if one is close in configuration to what is being shared via any vehicle – like a piece of writing or music or contact with a person – one’s being will resonate and become imprinted by the transmission.

The process of reconfiguring a being to adopt a specific pattern is initiation. Some books were written to initiate.

In every culture, there are stories of spiritual beings “transmitting knowledge” to someone. These transmissions were actually imprinting the transmitter onto the receiver – much like a rubber stamp. If the transmitter held new knowledge, which may have been previously invisible and inaccessible to the recipient, this knowledge was shared. Darkness in occult literature does not always refer to “evil,” but neutrally references that which is currently outside our scope of understanding and applying (a.k.a. is unseen).

When someone interacts with a spiritually mature being, cycles of preparation and initiation are always occurring to varying degrees. To make initiation stick, many teachers emphasized devotion to facilitate the student’s process of accepting and holding an unfamiliar configuration. Without devotion, it was much harder to imprint the more advanced (or different) state onto someone. If a student wanted to transform and they could do so by adopting the teacher’s print, initiation seemed like an easier way to make progress. However, not unlike an organ transplant, someone else’s print can be completely rejected simply because of a mismatch.

My teacher had a different approach. To a degree, there was some initiation by demonstrating what the more advanced state looked like. However, the new element my teacher introduced was emphasizing one’s uniqueness through one’s own creative expression. Thus, any modeling of the deeper state was a jumping-off point to developing and evolving each student’s unique potential. Devotion was still important.

Unfortunately, initiation can also be done by beings who are charismatic and not spiritually advanced. Such beings tend to brainwash their targets to make them more susceptible to being imprinted. Inept or ill-intentioned people can greatly destabilize a person via such interference and cause issues, including distorted perception, twisted interpretation, and the loss of ability to ground in a specific plane of existence. A truly evolved being will always break the connection with anyone who is not “compatible” and may even be hurt by additional exposure.

During initiation by a teacher from a lineage, the teacher may also transfer most or all of the knowledge to the recepient from the preceding teachers. Thus, an initiate may come out of the process being ready to apply what the prior teachers had already mastered.

Looking back in time, true teachers were very careful who they initiated. The odds of a successful initiation were incredibly small. The “worthy” were simply just “compatible.” It’s too bad that the term “worthy” was used because it implies that some were better than others – evolving one’s consciousness is neither a contest nor a status symbol.

Not all initiation leads to enlightenment, and not all initiation even leads to a more advanced state of awareness.

The path to enlightenment still requires someone (preferably living) to model the advanced state. However, pure imprinting is very dangerous, can reach fewer people, and may be grossly misused by ego-bound individuals. It feels much more open to be in the company of an advanced being while having the freedom to evolve creatively according to one’s unique disposition.

In the meantime, life is the perfect teacher for all of us. Some can use an accelerant to whom they feel connected, while others have no need for such intervention at this time.

Why Love Life

I had a conversation about life with my 10-year-old. He’s been confused about its purpose and value for a couple of years now.

The thing is, I understand him. At about his age was when I asked my mother why she gave me birth – if she knew that “I was going to live in an insane world just to suffer”. The best she could do was tell me that she wanted someone with her in this world, a friend. The best I could do then was to call her selfish. I told my son this story.

He asked me why I brought him into this world. I told him that there is nothing like life and living. Sure there’s a lot of crazy-making all around us, but there are also things that literally light us up. We talked about the things that make him happy. We examined the lounging posture of our extremely large cat. We talked about how it’s always easier to focus on the pain, but that’s not the only option. We tilted our heads together and intertwined our fingers. I could feel his pain and confusion like it was my own.

I think there is a part of him that touched his own ability to feel happiness. I could feel him touch it somewhere in the indescribable dimension of what makes him alive. I recognized that place from a dream I had – a waking dream where I felt the life force in my body and compared it to death.

I know what it feels like to be dead and, obviously, alive. All I can say is that this feeling of living – at the core and beyond the noisy signals of existence – is why we are here. If we feel this urge to live running through us – even for a moment – and own it, many things would change.

Suffering is incredibly noticeable, don’t you think? There are days when this existence feels like a crushing weight that will literally take over if I let it and cave on me. But I hold on. I know there are people who want me to fail and prove them right. I just can’t give in to that. The destructive forces at play in this dimension want so badly to be right. I told my son I feel the magic that is life without fully understanding it, and I let that take over.

I think it’s too easy now to diagnose depression, anxiety, and who-knows-what. It’s become too easy to label or to Google labels to put ourselves in some box – maybe a wooden box, figuratively speaking. Yes, we are made of chemicals and these can be “out of balance” despite our best intentions. Yes, we can dwell on all the shitty things we have experienced and vivisect them endlessly in therapy and in our relationships. Yes, we may need to put a label in our sleeves so that those with similar labels can pick us out of a crowd – and then we don’t feel so alone. And perhaps we may need to do all of the above at some point. However, when we are done with that parade, we have to go back to our root mystery of being alive and recognize it for what it is.

This mystery cannot be awakened by medications or talk. It must be found in our silence, in the grace of our coherent being – no matter how seemingly damaged or broken we may appear to be – even if we take medication and despite the talk. At the core, you see, nothing is broken. It’s still not broken even after we piece together the pretty or grotesque factors of our causal chain of events.

There is freedom in accepting that being hurt can’t break us. Broken bones heal. Ripping muscles get stronger. I wonder what those bones and muscles think while rebuilding? Sure, we can let go into the idea that we may not come back from being hurt that one more time. But what if we don’t let go into that thought? What if we hold off on making such big decisions and just hold on to life’s grace?

I don’t know where this idyllic vision of life here came from, where people think that everything they value should be within their reach: “If I just control this one more thing, everything will be OK.” On some level you know that’s bullshit, right? There’s a lot going on on this plane of existence, and things don’t fit into nice little closet organizers. You do see that? But we can spend our entire lives trying to figure out how much we can tweak to make life easier and smoother – forget happy.

We will always do what we do even when we don’t know why we do it. But, can’t we at least pause long enough to feel that something altogether different has occurred when we came to be here? This is not closet-organizer material. This is not within the purview of our exact and inexact sciences. In fact, direct living is beyond most of humanity, which prefers to meta-live or live by proxy, watch other people live and die, and then stop short of fullness by wading in superficial emotions and cursory pattern-recognition.

I can only try to do justice to the grace that lives me, even if aspects of me are thrown under a microscope or telescope and deemed to be imperfection. Who cares that humanity has a tendency to view texture and call it “flaw.” I remember the time when idiots thought that planets were perfect spheres, until Galileo pointed his telescope at them and saw “spots.” He lived out his days under house arrest because he called attention to the ignorance of smoothing out life’s wrinkles. Today, we just retouch in Photoshop the magazine models and, for $7 extra, everyday people, to play the dulce notes of the Music of the Spheres.

It is in texture and nuance, in the spots and wrinkles, and in the best-laid-plans-gone-to-waste that we find the pulse of life careening our awareness. I know the complexity may feel overwhelming, but there is no other way. The tendency to flatten layers no longer serves any of us. Life is alchemy and more.

You have things. Just not all to yourself.

With a sense of “I” comes the desire to own things – and even people. This can be crazy confusing, given that we have our bodies, our lives, and our dreams, which qualify us for all rights human. We delineate “healthy boundaries” using what we think belongs to us as bargaining chips. This sacred “me” must stand apart, stand out, and stand strong. And it’s all true – except for the word “own.” It is more likely that we borrow.

My body is made of atoms, which have been recycled by forms since a supernova exploded and provided the primeval soup for our solar system. We literally don’t know where our atoms have been – perhaps part of a cactus, a kangaroo, Benjamin Franklin, or all of the above. When I die, my atoms will be swept up into another form to participate in its strong sense of “I,” and then into another.

You may agree that I borrow the atoms of my body, but what about my belongings? Maybe I have land, cars, herds of cows, or buildings – surely these belong to me? In truth, anything my eye falls upon had been claimed before by someone else. Even the land I walk upon has been fought over and over again. A footprint is not a stamp of ownership, and time’s ocean swallows all footprints. So, I borrow all of my belongings.

What about my soul? Surely that belongs to “me” alone? It is what makes my life unique, is it not? Perhaps the configuration of the soul does strike a unique cord amidst the harmony of the universe, but even my soul is not immortal. The soul is eventually transcended and flows into the life that birthed all souls – including mine. So, I cannot even claim ownership of my soul without simultaneously surrendering all that I may believe I am.

If I do not and cannot own anything to revel in immortality, what is there to hold onto? Where is this legacy that humanity is so hardwired to want to leave behind?

We long for static things to matter and look to freeze something in time – some rock of ages. But eternity rests in flux, not form. Eternity is flow and not stagnant mirror pools. Eternity slips through fingers, bodies, planets, stars, and galaxies. Every claim must be surrendered, eventually.

Because we own nothing does not mean we that we mean nothing. We have not yet shifted to embrace that which changes as the primary and are tone-deaf to the keynotes of our existence.

But, because there is only change, we will eventually open to such music – body, mind, and soul. Because there is change, this too shall pass. How would our lives change if we knew that we borrow rather than own?

Nightmares of the Human Race Are Rebellion in Disguise

The entire human race is dreaming. We can see these dreams in the stories we tell. The movies and the books that entertain us are the ones that strike a chord. So, what is humanity collectively dreaming?

I watch many movies. It is my way of trying to understand the human race, as strange as that may sound. Because I haven’t felt fear in a long time, I have literally forgotten what fear is. While I still feel emotions pass and experience occasional knee-jerk responses that nest in my body cells as life’s residue, these move through me relatively quickly and leave me with little insight into the emotional landscape. So, I watch movies and study what people appear to feel…. I also observe people and ask them lots of questions about themselves to see how they see themselves. I’ve learned that the stength and light I see in people is often not something that they believe they have – this discord is jarring to me.

At this time, fear still appears to drive most of the activity I see. However, there is also a chord of anger that wishes to defy and face the fear. It’s as if humanity knows that each person has more strength than they believe they possess, and there is a movement brewing to reclaim that strength. Most people still need much support and convincing that they have value.

People are often shocked when they learn that I regularly watch horror movies. No matter how bad a movie is cinematically, it always provides me with some connection to the fear that burbles in humanity’s unconscious. The monsters, demons, and otherworldly creatures on the screen make the fears tangible targets for the viewers to “beat.”

Ironically, I do not enjoy the movies or find them interesting – they are more of a gateway into the consensus of those who made and watched the movies. This gateway helps me to connect, understand, and maybe even try to heal some of the trauma in the collective psyche.

Our lives can appear so unpredictable and chaotic, resulting in stress that literally manipulates our life force. Many cope by fortifying their ability to filter noise. Others cope by dulling their senses to feel less. Still others escape to visions of magical worlds even as they perform mundane and boring tasks.

I find it so interesting that people get all the information about our world from what their brains tell them. Because our nervous systems process stimuli so differently, it is highly likely that our views about the “same” world vary dramatically. And yet, we largely believe that we have a shared reality. All evidence points to the fact that very little of our reality is shared. While reality may provide us with consistent stimuli, we use our body instrument to process what we receive and draw our own conclusions.

Despite the variations in our interpretations, certain stimuli consistently trigger powerful responses. And then, it’s as if the triggered ones become immersed in a kind of dream while awake. They act as if their dream is real, and sometimes they react so strongly. I am not saying that poverty, pain, or hunger are not real – they are as real as our bodies. However, the collage we construct of our world does not lend itself to prescriptive interpretation.

Underneath the superficial languages we speak and the lightshow that is our visible world, there is something much more fundamental to which we respond and also use to communicate. In fact, much of the interaction between our nervous systems and the world occurs at this invisible level. But many of us haven’t practiced quieting our normal interaction routines to become immersed in this deeper level of communication that is always in play.

Here, at the level of the living web that comprises all of us, is the plane where we harbor fundamental views about our world – dating back thousands and thousands of years. Here is where we dream of heaven and hell. These are not places, and we do not need to die to “go” there. Our very life can go back and forth between states of agony and ecstacy within moments.

Our collective dreams and nightmares are felt by us in every moment, whether we acknowledge them consciously or not. While I see these clearly, I do need to study how others respond to these to better help people.

One thing that stands out is that people like to personify their interpretations of life and find demons and angels and ghosts. They like to differentiate between “light” and “darkness.” But I only see one whole reality, rich with consciousness. Philosophy and analysis disects this wholeness and may possibly even destroy some key elements in the process, reminding me of the four blind people trying to describe an elephant by feeling its different parts. Parts are useful, but so is the whole.

Humanity still suffers and suffers deeply. For some time now, there has also been a shift in consciousness that may be characterized as a mass rebellion against suffering. However, this movement is only in its nacency for the human race. Individuals also rebel and may go through a transformation that is characterized as “enlightenment,” which completely changes one’s view from the mass perception and projections of world views on a giant movie screen we call our world.

One thing that is certain is that the dynamic of fear response can be completely surrendered. To what or to who? That is what I know as the Divine or the Infinite – the invisible glue and the medium that binds us all into a single lifestream by literally living all of us – regardless of whether we interpret It as dreams or nightmares.