Being Asexual

I am in my late 40s and, by most standards, not old. However, I have come to realize that I am no longer interested in sex.

Recently single, I feel no pressures from a partner to be sexual. As a result, there is no reason for me to try to be something I am not. I am comfortable being alone and also spending time with friends. I feel no longing of a sexual nature. Now, I can simply relax in this truth.

As I surrendered my being to the Life that lives me, I entered into an uninterrupted embrace. Paradoxically, it is me and also an exchange.

I wrote previously how my lower energy centers had merged into the heart center, which I was surprised to discover one morning. After this occurred, I began to be immersed in an altogether different kind of energy flow – making love without a partner as being.

I see nothing wrong with sex. But how many people see nothing wrong with no sex? As with anything, it was important for me to understand why. Was it something I held back, denied, or denigraded on some level? I explored and explored, but found nothing. Except that it was my truth.

It is a relief to just be good with this and not have to wonder anymore if I need to balance or heal anything.

The asexuality was not always true for me. I went through decades of being overly sexual. So, it was surprising to me when my sexuality began to dissipate – and suspicious. Was it because of my childhood? Was it because of who I was with? As it turned out, neither. I have simply changed. Being without a partner, I have had no interest in looking for someone and my state has remained consistent.

In yoga, there is the process of Brahmacharya. I’ve come to see that my body’s circuitry stepped into this flow on its own and without trying. It is what it is. It feels like I have always been a virgin, but not in the sense of some false deification.

Sometimes things are just simple.

4 thoughts on “Being Asexual”

  1. Things are what they are, InEx. Yesterday one way, today another, tomorrow–who knows? Be open to yoursef, and with yourself. You seem to be a together woman, celebtrate your togetherness. Fear nothing, especially not your self.

    1. Fear does not drive my need to study myself 😀 it has been long since I felt fear – to the point where I don’t remember it…. some things one just knows will not need to shift. This is one of those things….studying myself keeps me from ever being complacent or assuming I understand something that I don’t. What is in a few paragraphs here has been years in the making…

      1. That I can definitely understand. As for the fear stayement, it was not so much advising as it was honouring. You are an amazing woman, and I know you know that.

  2. Yes, yes, yes!!! Thank you, InEx (I like this nickname Jerry has created, so I will borrow it)! Thank you for saying these words out loud, unashamed, and pulsing with healthy normalcy…

    I, too, crossed that barrier, about a decade ago. When the last “partner” left my life, I felt nothing but relief. And I have never felt a desire to replace him, nor a regret about my life as a single person. I assumed that I was just “damaged” goods, and being single was best for all involved.

    About 5 years ago, after much personal exploration and research into my own motivations, I adopted the term “asexual’ to describe my lifestyle choice, recognizing that the urge to connect sexually with another was unlikely to return. But I have found that on those rare occasions when I have been prompted to share that descriptor with others, I am often pushed to defend my point of view. I don’t, of course, as it isn’t truly necessary (my life, my choice), but it is clearly a term that makes others uncomfortable. Even the most mature and open-minded among my friends feel compelled to “keep the door open,” convinced I am the way I am because I haven’t found “the one” yet.

    They simply cannot grasp the possibility that sexual contact is unnecessary or unwanted. They can’t accept that love is real without some underlying sexual tension. And asexuality cannot be present in one who is psychologically whole and healthy!

    But for me, I’ve never felt more whole and healthy before, at least in terms of my sexuality. I know absolutely that this is the right path for me. So I am glad to meet someone I admire so much who has chosen the same path; validation is good for the little ego, even if it isn’t necessary for my evolution.

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